During the last few long client sessions the subject of submissive versus slave has come up with unusual levels of regularity. Granted, I often ask clients the role that they want to adopt, but nonetheless it seems many people are now more closely considering what it would be like to be ‘Slave for a day’ or two. So I thought I’d give my take on the distinctions and issues with both roles. They are very different in reality. It strikes me that people are feeling as uncertain as they did during the financial crisis now that the UK has taken the decision to change its relationship with the rest of the world through Brexit.
Now, I’m not going to turn my blog into a political polemic, but I often find that people come and see me when they desire to retreat from the stresses and strains of their everyday existence.
So, submissive versus slave:
A submissive is an active participant in every aspect of a session. They are more play partners than slaves. Not quite equal partners, but partners in what happens to each party. While some subs dream of being a slave, perhaps 90-95% of them are really submissives. They don’t ever surrender full control to Me. They lend it to me with the proviso that if things get tough, they can always take that power back (or run away screaming, if things get a little too intense). Subs get safewords and they get the opportunity to slow things down when it gets tough. With me, I build up a scene gradually, so I don’t often get to the point of an absolute stop, but I do find subs occasionally use safewords. Subs need to feel they have some kind of choice over what happens next – even if few really exercise that choice. It’s worth saying too that in our society, even the word submissive is very emotive and laden with undertones, so to some subs, being a sub is enough. Despite what people may think, I don’t judge a sub differently to a slave. I don’t see them as weaker and I understand totally why someone might find being a sub hard enough.
A slave is an active recipient of Me in a session. I want to make a distinction here between a slave in the first session (who has safewords) and a slave in the second and subsequent sessions (who does not). Slaves have to have 100% faith and trust in the skills, experience and compassion of their Dom. They need to know that they would not take them beyond the point of ‘no return’ to a place where actual damage – either mental or physical – is being done to them under the guise of slave ownership. Slavery is a hot fantasy and I have had the pleasure of playing with many hot slaves in my time. Young, virile and very beautiful young males that have the whole world in front of them and yet desire to give themselves to a Man like me that they judge to be their superior. But a prospective slave always needs to ask themselves a few key questions:
- Would you still be happy to be a slave after you have had the long-awaited orgasm?
- If I told you to wake Me up with an orgasm on a Sunday morning despite going to bed on Saturday at 4am, could you do it?
- If I told you to tidy my playrooms while I go to bed, could you do that?
- If I denied you access to Me for as long as I liked, would you still serve Me and Worship Me?
- Would you do everything and anything I asked without a moment’s hesitation even if it compromised you in some way?
If you can answer ‘Yes, without hesitation’ to these questions, then perhaps you are a slave after all.
A note about Fake Doms
It depresses me as someone that considers Himself to be both a Dominant and fairly decent sexual empath that there are so many people that call themselves Tops or Doms when in reality they are just abusers and employing forms of sexual violence to control another. I don’t do that, nor would I ever do that to a sub or slave in my charge. So even if you did become my slave, you would never be hurt in ways you would struggle to recover from. That’s not the same as saying I wouldn’t train you and push you to your upper tolerances, but I would not abuse you for my kicks or for fun.